Fic: Linger
May. 5th, 2004 01:48 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
woodfaceDisclaimer: Not mine
Category: PG
Classification: Angst
Pairing: Sam/Pete, SJ UST
Set/Spoilers: Future fic, spoilers for Chimera the rest is speculation
Summary: Jack isn’t exactly sure how he ended up here. He’d expected a lot of ways for this night to end, but sitting next to her on grass in the middle of the night – still sober – really wasn’t what he had in mind.
A/N: Huge big thank you to my beta's![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
splash_the_cat and chiroho. You guys rock.
This is for all the angst!bitches on my friendlist ;oP
Jack isn’t exactly sure how he ended up here. He’d expected a lot of ways for this night to end, but sitting next to her on grass in the middle of the night – still sober – really wasn’t what he had in mind.
He didn’t want to be here to begin with, but he couldn’t not be here either. Hammond deserved his respect so he dutifully attended the funeral and the wake even though he knew he’d have to face her. The last time he saw her, she had her arms wrapped around his neck as she wished him the best of luck on his retirement. She gave him a fishing rod that he still hadn’t taken out of its box. It just didn’t seem right, not when he knew she wouldn’t be joining him on the dock with a cold beer.
“So Carter...” He trails off, not sure what he was going to say anyway, and is surprised by her slight huff.
“No one’s called me Carter for years now.”
No, of course not. She goes by his name now. He was surprised when he first heard that. He’d never pegged her as the type to take her husband's name. Shows how little he knew. “Sorry.”
“No, it’s alright.” If he’s entirely honest with himself there are times that he pretends she changed her name on purpose. As if being the only one to call her by her maiden name makes him special. Then again, he hasn’t called her anything for years now.
The silence unsettles him and he starts fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, which somewhere during the evening managed to escape the confines of his pants. “So... how’s life treating you?” Jack asks lamely.
“Good, real good.” He doesn’t dare look up as he manages to loosen the seam, scared of how he’ll feel to see her happy.
“That’s nice.” And it is. Or he wouldn’t have been able to pack his things the day after his retirement party and move permanently to Minnesota. He’d been preparing for the move ever since she’d announced her engagement. It hadn’t made him bitter – at least he hadn't wanted to see himself as bitter. She had been happy and that had been enough for him to pack his things and move. He wishes he could say ‘moved on,’ but he doubts he ever will. Not that he has tried. He's already lived two lives; starting up another one would feel too much like a midlife crisis, and he already went through that when he bought the complete series of the Simpsons on DVD together with a home theatre system. His cabin has better acoustics than the local movie theatre.
“Has Daniel told you about Zoe?”
“Yeah,” he croaks and clears his throat, hoping she won't notice. “I got the card too. How old is she now?” He knows exactly how old Zoe Grace Shanahan is, but he's curious about how she’ll talk about her daughter. He finally turns to see a broad smile curve her lips.
“Five. She acts like she’s a lot older though.” Sam grins and he can see her eyes glistening with pride. “She’s so smart.”
Jack laughs and shakes his head. “She’s your kid, Carter. How could she not be smart?” He can’t see the blush as she ducks her head and smiles but he knows it’s there. He knows exactly how she responds to compliments, as if it were only last week and not six years since he last saw her.
“She’d love to meet you.”
He raises his eyebrows in surprise. “She knows about me?”
“Of course she does.” She answers without so much as a blink of an eye. “She’s heard a lot about you from Daniel and Teal’c.”
“Oh.” His eyes drop to his lap and he feels ridiculous for being disappointed.
“I tell her stories sometimes... about SG-1,” she adds, as if she felt his disappointment. Then again, she probably can still read him better than anyone ever could – except maybe for his own mother and Sara.
“Isn’t that a bit too... violent?”
Her laughs washes over him and he feels oddly proud that he can still do that to her. “I only tell her about the nice missions.”
“We had nice missions?” She swats his arm and he can’t help but chuckle.
“We had plenty of nice missions. She likes the action too though. I think her favourite story is from our first meeting with the Nox which I figure has a nice moral to it.”
“The getting killed and being revived part?” He shudders as he remembers being shot and then waking up to gentle fingers caressing his back.
She doesn’t seem to notice as he draws in a deep breath, and keeps talking. “No, the part about not killing anyone, protecting nature, living in peace,... You know.”
“The very young do not always do what they are told.” Jack nods. “Yeah, I know.”
Their eyes meet, and it’s too easy for him pretend that they’re off-world keeping watch together, only his BDU’s never got this wet from sitting on damp ground. “I’d love to meet her too... sometime.”
“She’ll like that,” Sam whispers and for a moment he lets himself believe she was right there with him. “So how have you been?”
He breaks eye contact and looks up into the sky. “Oh, you know. I fish a bit, go on a hike, fish some more, read a book, watch T.V., fish,... You get the picture.” He shrugs. “I’m considering getting a dog.” He’s been considering it for six years now, but he’s not sure what is stopping him. Maybe he’s just tired of being responsible for something else.
“Nice.” Her words sound hollow and he knows she can’t imagine him sitting in a cabin doing nothing at all. He’s not sure he can either, but there isn't much else to do.
“It keeps me busy.” While he waits for something that will never come.
Jack curses himself for making the conversation uncomfortable, for reminding himself that he’s just biding his time. His hands unconsciously move up and down his thighs, warming himself from a chill that isn’t there.
Until suddenly her hand stops the movement and he freezes, unsure of what to do, what to expect.
“Do you ever...” Her question dies half unspoken, but he doesn’t need to hear the words.
“Yeah, I do.” He turns his hand around and their fingers intertwine. “A lot more than I should.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, you’re not,” he says firmly and squeezes her hand as he looks into her eyes. “You’re happy. You have a wonderful daughter and a husband who loves you.”
She nods and he pretends he doesn’t notice that her eyes are shining more brightly now. “I do.”
“Good.” He gives her a smile, amazed how easily he can find one for her.
“O’Neill! Samantha!” Teal’c voice booms, breaking the spell as she snatches back her hand.
“We’re here.” He calls back.
“JacobCarter wishes to give a speech.”
“We’ll be right there, Teal’c,” Sam answers as she scrambles to her feet.
“Hey, give an old man a hand here!” Jack protests. “My knees aren’t what they used to be.”
Chuckling, Sam takes both his hands in hers and pulls him up from the ground.
“Actually, scratch that. They are what they used to be – only worse,” he jokes, as he notices she’s still holding on to his hands. “Did T just call you Samantha?”
“Yeah. I don’t think he liked ColonelShanahan very much.” Slowly Sam’s hands slip from his grasp and she turns to walk back to the house.
“Don’t blame him. You’ll always be Carter to me,” Jack remarks as he follows close behind her.
Grinning, she looks at him over her shoulder. “I wouldn’t want it any other way, sir.”
Category: PG
Classification: Angst
Pairing: Sam/Pete, SJ UST
Set/Spoilers: Future fic, spoilers for Chimera the rest is speculation
Summary: Jack isn’t exactly sure how he ended up here. He’d expected a lot of ways for this night to end, but sitting next to her on grass in the middle of the night – still sober – really wasn’t what he had in mind.
A/N: Huge big thank you to my beta's
splash_the_cat and chiroho. You guys rock.This is for all the angst!bitches on my friendlist ;oP
Jack isn’t exactly sure how he ended up here. He’d expected a lot of ways for this night to end, but sitting next to her on grass in the middle of the night – still sober – really wasn’t what he had in mind.
He didn’t want to be here to begin with, but he couldn’t not be here either. Hammond deserved his respect so he dutifully attended the funeral and the wake even though he knew he’d have to face her. The last time he saw her, she had her arms wrapped around his neck as she wished him the best of luck on his retirement. She gave him a fishing rod that he still hadn’t taken out of its box. It just didn’t seem right, not when he knew she wouldn’t be joining him on the dock with a cold beer.
“So Carter...” He trails off, not sure what he was going to say anyway, and is surprised by her slight huff.
“No one’s called me Carter for years now.”
No, of course not. She goes by his name now. He was surprised when he first heard that. He’d never pegged her as the type to take her husband's name. Shows how little he knew. “Sorry.”
“No, it’s alright.” If he’s entirely honest with himself there are times that he pretends she changed her name on purpose. As if being the only one to call her by her maiden name makes him special. Then again, he hasn’t called her anything for years now.
The silence unsettles him and he starts fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, which somewhere during the evening managed to escape the confines of his pants. “So... how’s life treating you?” Jack asks lamely.
“Good, real good.” He doesn’t dare look up as he manages to loosen the seam, scared of how he’ll feel to see her happy.
“That’s nice.” And it is. Or he wouldn’t have been able to pack his things the day after his retirement party and move permanently to Minnesota. He’d been preparing for the move ever since she’d announced her engagement. It hadn’t made him bitter – at least he hadn't wanted to see himself as bitter. She had been happy and that had been enough for him to pack his things and move. He wishes he could say ‘moved on,’ but he doubts he ever will. Not that he has tried. He's already lived two lives; starting up another one would feel too much like a midlife crisis, and he already went through that when he bought the complete series of the Simpsons on DVD together with a home theatre system. His cabin has better acoustics than the local movie theatre.
“Has Daniel told you about Zoe?”
“Yeah,” he croaks and clears his throat, hoping she won't notice. “I got the card too. How old is she now?” He knows exactly how old Zoe Grace Shanahan is, but he's curious about how she’ll talk about her daughter. He finally turns to see a broad smile curve her lips.
“Five. She acts like she’s a lot older though.” Sam grins and he can see her eyes glistening with pride. “She’s so smart.”
Jack laughs and shakes his head. “She’s your kid, Carter. How could she not be smart?” He can’t see the blush as she ducks her head and smiles but he knows it’s there. He knows exactly how she responds to compliments, as if it were only last week and not six years since he last saw her.
“She’d love to meet you.”
He raises his eyebrows in surprise. “She knows about me?”
“Of course she does.” She answers without so much as a blink of an eye. “She’s heard a lot about you from Daniel and Teal’c.”
“Oh.” His eyes drop to his lap and he feels ridiculous for being disappointed.
“I tell her stories sometimes... about SG-1,” she adds, as if she felt his disappointment. Then again, she probably can still read him better than anyone ever could – except maybe for his own mother and Sara.
“Isn’t that a bit too... violent?”
Her laughs washes over him and he feels oddly proud that he can still do that to her. “I only tell her about the nice missions.”
“We had nice missions?” She swats his arm and he can’t help but chuckle.
“We had plenty of nice missions. She likes the action too though. I think her favourite story is from our first meeting with the Nox which I figure has a nice moral to it.”
“The getting killed and being revived part?” He shudders as he remembers being shot and then waking up to gentle fingers caressing his back.
She doesn’t seem to notice as he draws in a deep breath, and keeps talking. “No, the part about not killing anyone, protecting nature, living in peace,... You know.”
“The very young do not always do what they are told.” Jack nods. “Yeah, I know.”
Their eyes meet, and it’s too easy for him pretend that they’re off-world keeping watch together, only his BDU’s never got this wet from sitting on damp ground. “I’d love to meet her too... sometime.”
“She’ll like that,” Sam whispers and for a moment he lets himself believe she was right there with him. “So how have you been?”
He breaks eye contact and looks up into the sky. “Oh, you know. I fish a bit, go on a hike, fish some more, read a book, watch T.V., fish,... You get the picture.” He shrugs. “I’m considering getting a dog.” He’s been considering it for six years now, but he’s not sure what is stopping him. Maybe he’s just tired of being responsible for something else.
“Nice.” Her words sound hollow and he knows she can’t imagine him sitting in a cabin doing nothing at all. He’s not sure he can either, but there isn't much else to do.
“It keeps me busy.” While he waits for something that will never come.
Jack curses himself for making the conversation uncomfortable, for reminding himself that he’s just biding his time. His hands unconsciously move up and down his thighs, warming himself from a chill that isn’t there.
Until suddenly her hand stops the movement and he freezes, unsure of what to do, what to expect.
“Do you ever...” Her question dies half unspoken, but he doesn’t need to hear the words.
“Yeah, I do.” He turns his hand around and their fingers intertwine. “A lot more than I should.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, you’re not,” he says firmly and squeezes her hand as he looks into her eyes. “You’re happy. You have a wonderful daughter and a husband who loves you.”
She nods and he pretends he doesn’t notice that her eyes are shining more brightly now. “I do.”
“Good.” He gives her a smile, amazed how easily he can find one for her.
“O’Neill! Samantha!” Teal’c voice booms, breaking the spell as she snatches back her hand.
“We’re here.” He calls back.
“JacobCarter wishes to give a speech.”
“We’ll be right there, Teal’c,” Sam answers as she scrambles to her feet.
“Hey, give an old man a hand here!” Jack protests. “My knees aren’t what they used to be.”
Chuckling, Sam takes both his hands in hers and pulls him up from the ground.
“Actually, scratch that. They are what they used to be – only worse,” he jokes, as he notices she’s still holding on to his hands. “Did T just call you Samantha?”
“Yeah. I don’t think he liked ColonelShanahan very much.” Slowly Sam’s hands slip from his grasp and she turns to walk back to the house.
“Don’t blame him. You’ll always be Carter to me,” Jack remarks as he follows close behind her.
Grinning, she looks at him over her shoulder. “I wouldn’t want it any other way, sir.”
no subject
Date: 2004-05-10 09:20 am (UTC)Thanks, hon *quick knuffels before running out of striking distance*