Fic: Linger
May. 5th, 2004 01:48 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
woodfaceDisclaimer: Not mine
Category: PG
Classification: Angst
Pairing: Sam/Pete, SJ UST
Set/Spoilers: Future fic, spoilers for Chimera the rest is speculation
Summary: Jack isn’t exactly sure how he ended up here. He’d expected a lot of ways for this night to end, but sitting next to her on grass in the middle of the night – still sober – really wasn’t what he had in mind.
A/N: Huge big thank you to my beta's![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
splash_the_cat and chiroho. You guys rock.
This is for all the angst!bitches on my friendlist ;oP
Jack isn’t exactly sure how he ended up here. He’d expected a lot of ways for this night to end, but sitting next to her on grass in the middle of the night – still sober – really wasn’t what he had in mind.
He didn’t want to be here to begin with, but he couldn’t not be here either. Hammond deserved his respect so he dutifully attended the funeral and the wake even though he knew he’d have to face her. The last time he saw her, she had her arms wrapped around his neck as she wished him the best of luck on his retirement. She gave him a fishing rod that he still hadn’t taken out of its box. It just didn’t seem right, not when he knew she wouldn’t be joining him on the dock with a cold beer.
“So Carter...” He trails off, not sure what he was going to say anyway, and is surprised by her slight huff.
“No one’s called me Carter for years now.”
No, of course not. She goes by his name now. He was surprised when he first heard that. He’d never pegged her as the type to take her husband's name. Shows how little he knew. “Sorry.”
“No, it’s alright.” If he’s entirely honest with himself there are times that he pretends she changed her name on purpose. As if being the only one to call her by her maiden name makes him special. Then again, he hasn’t called her anything for years now.
The silence unsettles him and he starts fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, which somewhere during the evening managed to escape the confines of his pants. “So... how’s life treating you?” Jack asks lamely.
“Good, real good.” He doesn’t dare look up as he manages to loosen the seam, scared of how he’ll feel to see her happy.
“That’s nice.” And it is. Or he wouldn’t have been able to pack his things the day after his retirement party and move permanently to Minnesota. He’d been preparing for the move ever since she’d announced her engagement. It hadn’t made him bitter – at least he hadn't wanted to see himself as bitter. She had been happy and that had been enough for him to pack his things and move. He wishes he could say ‘moved on,’ but he doubts he ever will. Not that he has tried. He's already lived two lives; starting up another one would feel too much like a midlife crisis, and he already went through that when he bought the complete series of the Simpsons on DVD together with a home theatre system. His cabin has better acoustics than the local movie theatre.
“Has Daniel told you about Zoe?”
“Yeah,” he croaks and clears his throat, hoping she won't notice. “I got the card too. How old is she now?” He knows exactly how old Zoe Grace Shanahan is, but he's curious about how she’ll talk about her daughter. He finally turns to see a broad smile curve her lips.
“Five. She acts like she’s a lot older though.” Sam grins and he can see her eyes glistening with pride. “She’s so smart.”
Jack laughs and shakes his head. “She’s your kid, Carter. How could she not be smart?” He can’t see the blush as she ducks her head and smiles but he knows it’s there. He knows exactly how she responds to compliments, as if it were only last week and not six years since he last saw her.
“She’d love to meet you.”
He raises his eyebrows in surprise. “She knows about me?”
“Of course she does.” She answers without so much as a blink of an eye. “She’s heard a lot about you from Daniel and Teal’c.”
“Oh.” His eyes drop to his lap and he feels ridiculous for being disappointed.
“I tell her stories sometimes... about SG-1,” she adds, as if she felt his disappointment. Then again, she probably can still read him better than anyone ever could – except maybe for his own mother and Sara.
“Isn’t that a bit too... violent?”
Her laughs washes over him and he feels oddly proud that he can still do that to her. “I only tell her about the nice missions.”
“We had nice missions?” She swats his arm and he can’t help but chuckle.
“We had plenty of nice missions. She likes the action too though. I think her favourite story is from our first meeting with the Nox which I figure has a nice moral to it.”
“The getting killed and being revived part?” He shudders as he remembers being shot and then waking up to gentle fingers caressing his back.
She doesn’t seem to notice as he draws in a deep breath, and keeps talking. “No, the part about not killing anyone, protecting nature, living in peace,... You know.”
“The very young do not always do what they are told.” Jack nods. “Yeah, I know.”
Their eyes meet, and it’s too easy for him pretend that they’re off-world keeping watch together, only his BDU’s never got this wet from sitting on damp ground. “I’d love to meet her too... sometime.”
“She’ll like that,” Sam whispers and for a moment he lets himself believe she was right there with him. “So how have you been?”
He breaks eye contact and looks up into the sky. “Oh, you know. I fish a bit, go on a hike, fish some more, read a book, watch T.V., fish,... You get the picture.” He shrugs. “I’m considering getting a dog.” He’s been considering it for six years now, but he’s not sure what is stopping him. Maybe he’s just tired of being responsible for something else.
“Nice.” Her words sound hollow and he knows she can’t imagine him sitting in a cabin doing nothing at all. He’s not sure he can either, but there isn't much else to do.
“It keeps me busy.” While he waits for something that will never come.
Jack curses himself for making the conversation uncomfortable, for reminding himself that he’s just biding his time. His hands unconsciously move up and down his thighs, warming himself from a chill that isn’t there.
Until suddenly her hand stops the movement and he freezes, unsure of what to do, what to expect.
“Do you ever...” Her question dies half unspoken, but he doesn’t need to hear the words.
“Yeah, I do.” He turns his hand around and their fingers intertwine. “A lot more than I should.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, you’re not,” he says firmly and squeezes her hand as he looks into her eyes. “You’re happy. You have a wonderful daughter and a husband who loves you.”
She nods and he pretends he doesn’t notice that her eyes are shining more brightly now. “I do.”
“Good.” He gives her a smile, amazed how easily he can find one for her.
“O’Neill! Samantha!” Teal’c voice booms, breaking the spell as she snatches back her hand.
“We’re here.” He calls back.
“JacobCarter wishes to give a speech.”
“We’ll be right there, Teal’c,” Sam answers as she scrambles to her feet.
“Hey, give an old man a hand here!” Jack protests. “My knees aren’t what they used to be.”
Chuckling, Sam takes both his hands in hers and pulls him up from the ground.
“Actually, scratch that. They are what they used to be – only worse,” he jokes, as he notices she’s still holding on to his hands. “Did T just call you Samantha?”
“Yeah. I don’t think he liked ColonelShanahan very much.” Slowly Sam’s hands slip from his grasp and she turns to walk back to the house.
“Don’t blame him. You’ll always be Carter to me,” Jack remarks as he follows close behind her.
Grinning, she looks at him over her shoulder. “I wouldn’t want it any other way, sir.”
Category: PG
Classification: Angst
Pairing: Sam/Pete, SJ UST
Set/Spoilers: Future fic, spoilers for Chimera the rest is speculation
Summary: Jack isn’t exactly sure how he ended up here. He’d expected a lot of ways for this night to end, but sitting next to her on grass in the middle of the night – still sober – really wasn’t what he had in mind.
A/N: Huge big thank you to my beta's
splash_the_cat and chiroho. You guys rock.This is for all the angst!bitches on my friendlist ;oP
Jack isn’t exactly sure how he ended up here. He’d expected a lot of ways for this night to end, but sitting next to her on grass in the middle of the night – still sober – really wasn’t what he had in mind.
He didn’t want to be here to begin with, but he couldn’t not be here either. Hammond deserved his respect so he dutifully attended the funeral and the wake even though he knew he’d have to face her. The last time he saw her, she had her arms wrapped around his neck as she wished him the best of luck on his retirement. She gave him a fishing rod that he still hadn’t taken out of its box. It just didn’t seem right, not when he knew she wouldn’t be joining him on the dock with a cold beer.
“So Carter...” He trails off, not sure what he was going to say anyway, and is surprised by her slight huff.
“No one’s called me Carter for years now.”
No, of course not. She goes by his name now. He was surprised when he first heard that. He’d never pegged her as the type to take her husband's name. Shows how little he knew. “Sorry.”
“No, it’s alright.” If he’s entirely honest with himself there are times that he pretends she changed her name on purpose. As if being the only one to call her by her maiden name makes him special. Then again, he hasn’t called her anything for years now.
The silence unsettles him and he starts fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, which somewhere during the evening managed to escape the confines of his pants. “So... how’s life treating you?” Jack asks lamely.
“Good, real good.” He doesn’t dare look up as he manages to loosen the seam, scared of how he’ll feel to see her happy.
“That’s nice.” And it is. Or he wouldn’t have been able to pack his things the day after his retirement party and move permanently to Minnesota. He’d been preparing for the move ever since she’d announced her engagement. It hadn’t made him bitter – at least he hadn't wanted to see himself as bitter. She had been happy and that had been enough for him to pack his things and move. He wishes he could say ‘moved on,’ but he doubts he ever will. Not that he has tried. He's already lived two lives; starting up another one would feel too much like a midlife crisis, and he already went through that when he bought the complete series of the Simpsons on DVD together with a home theatre system. His cabin has better acoustics than the local movie theatre.
“Has Daniel told you about Zoe?”
“Yeah,” he croaks and clears his throat, hoping she won't notice. “I got the card too. How old is she now?” He knows exactly how old Zoe Grace Shanahan is, but he's curious about how she’ll talk about her daughter. He finally turns to see a broad smile curve her lips.
“Five. She acts like she’s a lot older though.” Sam grins and he can see her eyes glistening with pride. “She’s so smart.”
Jack laughs and shakes his head. “She’s your kid, Carter. How could she not be smart?” He can’t see the blush as she ducks her head and smiles but he knows it’s there. He knows exactly how she responds to compliments, as if it were only last week and not six years since he last saw her.
“She’d love to meet you.”
He raises his eyebrows in surprise. “She knows about me?”
“Of course she does.” She answers without so much as a blink of an eye. “She’s heard a lot about you from Daniel and Teal’c.”
“Oh.” His eyes drop to his lap and he feels ridiculous for being disappointed.
“I tell her stories sometimes... about SG-1,” she adds, as if she felt his disappointment. Then again, she probably can still read him better than anyone ever could – except maybe for his own mother and Sara.
“Isn’t that a bit too... violent?”
Her laughs washes over him and he feels oddly proud that he can still do that to her. “I only tell her about the nice missions.”
“We had nice missions?” She swats his arm and he can’t help but chuckle.
“We had plenty of nice missions. She likes the action too though. I think her favourite story is from our first meeting with the Nox which I figure has a nice moral to it.”
“The getting killed and being revived part?” He shudders as he remembers being shot and then waking up to gentle fingers caressing his back.
She doesn’t seem to notice as he draws in a deep breath, and keeps talking. “No, the part about not killing anyone, protecting nature, living in peace,... You know.”
“The very young do not always do what they are told.” Jack nods. “Yeah, I know.”
Their eyes meet, and it’s too easy for him pretend that they’re off-world keeping watch together, only his BDU’s never got this wet from sitting on damp ground. “I’d love to meet her too... sometime.”
“She’ll like that,” Sam whispers and for a moment he lets himself believe she was right there with him. “So how have you been?”
He breaks eye contact and looks up into the sky. “Oh, you know. I fish a bit, go on a hike, fish some more, read a book, watch T.V., fish,... You get the picture.” He shrugs. “I’m considering getting a dog.” He’s been considering it for six years now, but he’s not sure what is stopping him. Maybe he’s just tired of being responsible for something else.
“Nice.” Her words sound hollow and he knows she can’t imagine him sitting in a cabin doing nothing at all. He’s not sure he can either, but there isn't much else to do.
“It keeps me busy.” While he waits for something that will never come.
Jack curses himself for making the conversation uncomfortable, for reminding himself that he’s just biding his time. His hands unconsciously move up and down his thighs, warming himself from a chill that isn’t there.
Until suddenly her hand stops the movement and he freezes, unsure of what to do, what to expect.
“Do you ever...” Her question dies half unspoken, but he doesn’t need to hear the words.
“Yeah, I do.” He turns his hand around and their fingers intertwine. “A lot more than I should.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, you’re not,” he says firmly and squeezes her hand as he looks into her eyes. “You’re happy. You have a wonderful daughter and a husband who loves you.”
She nods and he pretends he doesn’t notice that her eyes are shining more brightly now. “I do.”
“Good.” He gives her a smile, amazed how easily he can find one for her.
“O’Neill! Samantha!” Teal’c voice booms, breaking the spell as she snatches back her hand.
“We’re here.” He calls back.
“JacobCarter wishes to give a speech.”
“We’ll be right there, Teal’c,” Sam answers as she scrambles to her feet.
“Hey, give an old man a hand here!” Jack protests. “My knees aren’t what they used to be.”
Chuckling, Sam takes both his hands in hers and pulls him up from the ground.
“Actually, scratch that. They are what they used to be – only worse,” he jokes, as he notices she’s still holding on to his hands. “Did T just call you Samantha?”
“Yeah. I don’t think he liked ColonelShanahan very much.” Slowly Sam’s hands slip from his grasp and she turns to walk back to the house.
“Don’t blame him. You’ll always be Carter to me,” Jack remarks as he follows close behind her.
Grinning, she looks at him over her shoulder. “I wouldn’t want it any other way, sir.”
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-05-05 12:29 am (UTC)And yet somehow I'm terrified that you've just given us a window into Season 8. Please, please be wrong! PLEASE!
no subject
Date: 2004-05-05 12:31 am (UTC)But for the record...I'm not an angsty bitch!...I'm one of the shippy/fluffy bitches on your list. So...for all of us out here...WE WANT EQUAL TIME!!! Please write us some fluff now! *g*
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Date: 2004-05-05 12:31 am (UTC)I have no clue about S8 but I'm remaining possitive!
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Date: 2004-05-05 12:33 am (UTC)I'll have to talk to my muse about the fluff. I do have a AU WiP in progress that is supposed to be heavy on the romance ;o)
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Date: 2004-05-05 12:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-05 12:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-05 12:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-05 12:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-05 12:41 am (UTC)Will keep positive
no subject
Date: 2004-05-05 12:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-05 03:00 am (UTC)I like that Jack's life doesn't exactly end because he's not with Sam, but I also like that he's not exactly happy. I like that he's happy she's happy.
This part: He shrugs. “I’m considering getting a dog.” He’s been considering it for six years now, but he’s not sure what is stopping him. Maybe he’s just tired of being responsible for something else.
I'm assuming you meant to echo '2010.' I'm trying to figure out the timeline, but did you mean for me to think this occured in the "new" 2010? (Does that make any sense? Because I think the math works out. Zoe's five, if Sam and Pete get married next year and she gets pregnant right away . . . it just squeakes in, maybe.) I think it works really, really well if you did. They went through all that to save earth and the ending is still the same: Sam's married, Jack's alone at the cabin except he can live with himself (and without her) this time. Lovely. Subtle.
I really, really like this and I'm not doing too good at putting into words why. But long story short: Yay! angst! Yay Jara!
(I'm feeding your muse more angst biscuits.)
no subject
Date: 2004-05-05 05:36 am (UTC)Very angsty. Very them. It would be lovely if it wasn't so sad.
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Date: 2004-05-05 08:14 am (UTC)Bah, I want a happily ever after. *glares at muse*
no subject
Date: 2004-05-05 08:21 am (UTC)Yeah, exactly. Poor Jack *knuffels him*
I'm trying to figure out the timeline, but did you mean for me to think this occured in the "new" 2010?
Oh! I actually hadn't noticed that myself. *looks sheepish* Yeah of course! *g* Okay, honestly no. It's a coincidence and now you're making me wish that I had thought of that but you can see it that way if you want. I actually don't see them getting married within a year time but that's entirely your decision as it's not specified.
They went through all that to save earth and the ending is still the same: Sam's married, Jack's alone at the cabin except he can live with himself (and without her) this time. Lovely. Subtle.
Oh dude, that's angsty. *sniffles*
I'm not doing too good at putting into words why.
You're doing fine! I love your feedback *huggles*
(I'm feeding your muse more angst biscuits.)
Meep, can you give her some fluff biscuits too?
no subject
Date: 2004-05-05 10:51 am (UTC)*sends fluff biscuits* My poor, congested brain couldn't quite comment on this last night.
I saw the (unintended?) echos of 2010. It definitly is a better ending, but still not a happy one. You did a great job on the writing, though. (I *so* would not have read this if you weren't my friend.)
no subject
Date: 2004-05-05 02:30 pm (UTC)Well the echoes of 2010 were intended but not as intended as Elly thought. If that makes sense *g*
But no, not a happy ending *sighs*
Thanks for reading ;o) *knuffels*
no subject
Date: 2004-05-05 05:30 pm (UTC)And, yes, like others I can see this happening. Let it just be a dream, Sam! Think Bobby Ewing and an entire season of Dallas!
no subject
Date: 2004-05-05 05:37 pm (UTC)We will?
Which reminds me that I owe you an icon *goes hide*
And, yes, like others I can see this happening. Let it just be a dream, Sam! Think Bobby Ewing and an entire season of Dallas!
I guess that's a compliment although I sure as hell don't want to see this happen! It's a fact though that as soon as I imagine something that it will go the entire other way. I'm not sure if that's good or not cause I saw a lot of ship coming at the end of S7. Eeeeeeek *starts thinking negative*
no subject
Date: 2004-05-05 06:57 pm (UTC)Lovely, lovely piece of writing. Nice to see where the Simpsons snippet you posted last night fits in.
If Sam and Pete do stay, I really cannot see Jack moving on at all. In fact your fic is just how I can see him going. Not fleeing from an argument, just fading :s
no subject
Date: 2004-05-05 07:02 pm (UTC)If Sam and Pete do stay, I really cannot see Jack moving on at all. In fact your fic is just how I can see him going. Not fleeing from an argument, just fading :s
Oooooo, I love the way you put that. But I agree, I don't think he'd be entirely unhappy but I don't see him able to let go. So he kind of "lingers" (knew there was a reason I picked that title ;o)
Thank you! *hugs*
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Date: 2004-05-05 08:58 pm (UTC)You know, as much as I want the happy ending, I'm surprised by how much I enjoy them just being, even if they can't be together.
I do like the thought that, no matter how season 8 goes, they'll still have this closeness. Because they always had it, and I guess that it's not the sort of thing that goes away.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-05 09:03 pm (UTC)I do like the thought that, no matter how season 8 goes, they'll still have this closeness. Because they always had it, and I guess that it's not the sort of thing that goes away.
Ooooo, I have to totally agree with you. No matter what happens they will always have this between them and that's why I adore them so much. I would prefer a happy ending too but my muse had to prove that I would survive it even if I don't get it. More importantly; that they survive it.
Thanks =o)
no subject
Date: 2004-05-05 09:59 pm (UTC)anyways write and give that muse of yours candy the fics keep being really lovely
on the other note....sam/pete? that's just sooooo wrong ;)
no subject
Date: 2004-05-05 11:40 pm (UTC)Thanks hon, glad you liked it!
And I know it's very wrong! Bah!
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Date: 2004-05-06 06:04 pm (UTC)Oooooh super pretty icon *g*
It's odd that it's easier to picture her moving on rather than him. I don't think it's because she has (not totally - just a little), cause I thought that before. Even after her small confessional in "Grace". Hm.
I wants S8 NOW!
no subject
Date: 2004-05-06 06:08 pm (UTC)Thank you! I'm rather proud of it *beams*
It's odd that it's easier to picture her moving on rather than him.
*nods* It is. I did a rant on it once, I think. Jack is older, his life isn't as open as Sam's is. He's also the one who has been most open about his feelings while it's Sam who has been holding the brakes on it. I don't believe she has moved on though.
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Date: 2004-05-06 06:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-06 06:49 pm (UTC)I think after LC Sam is very concentrated ;o)
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Date: 2004-05-06 08:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-07 04:16 am (UTC)So I'm spoiled on the angst bit. There used to be a brilliang angst writer in the X-Files fandom. I've hardly seen her Mulder-angst beaten by anything ;-)
But this is so wonderfully sad! Thanks so much for sharing! :-)
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Date: 2004-05-07 07:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-09 03:19 am (UTC)Can't go wrong with either of those, as far as I'm concerned ;-)
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Date: 2004-05-09 09:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-10 09:20 am (UTC)Thanks, hon *quick knuffels before running out of striking distance*
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Date: 2004-05-11 04:11 am (UTC)Heh.
I loved this, hon. I love the situation you put them in and the way it was dealt with.
*smooooch*
Beautiful writing.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-11 09:18 am (UTC)*knuffels*
no subject
Date: 2004-08-02 03:53 am (UTC)But Jack's very special. :D And I do like that line. :)
Ooooo, and lovely fic, bunny. Yay for angst!bitches. *g*
Hmm, I just realized that this is the only bit of S7 spoilerage that I've encountered. :D
no subject
Date: 2004-08-02 08:34 am (UTC)He is!
Ooooo, and lovely fic, bunny. Yay for angst!bitches. *g*
*snerks* Thought you might like the angst =o)