Dying love will leave no doubt

[woodface]

Feeling strange, not sure how. A mix of emotions that seem out of my control. Hya called it borederitis (or something to that extent, I'm too bored to go look it up). Nothing really holds my interest. I have no enthusiasm for what normally I enjoy doing. The world seems empty and pointless. I have seas of time but no will to fill it. Time just seems to stretch out forever and still it's never enough. So many things to do, no strength to actually go do it.

Which reminds me that I need to email the university cause they booked me twice for an exam (over enthusiastic anyone?) and have to email my promotors with something that was finished yesterday.

I feel like I could face this very instant. Like those special effects on television where you see someone walking through and empty corridor and disolve into thin air as if they've never been there. I'm not even sure why I'm crying, there doesn't seem to be a reason. No, I don't want to talk about it. Talking takes up too much energy and I don't think my batteries are recharging. Maybe it's just that, I'm running on empty but that doesn't make sense because I don't feel tired. I just feel empty, hollow, useless, worthless, senseless,... dislocated. I feel nothing. And that's a contradiction but I'm full of them.

And all of a sudden it feels wrong typing this. As if the non-emotions are demanding to be put down on paper. Feel the surface of the sheet under my skin as the inkt is absorbed into the paper. Is the catharsis greater if you let the emotions flow from your hand into something tangible instead of touching these case, even if it's softly and purposeful, have them locked away into a dark box somewhere across the world to be read by people but not touched.

If you twist and then turn away again
If you tear yourself in two again
If I could, you know I would
If I could, I would
Let it go
Surrender
Dislocate

If I could throw this lifeless
lifeline to the wind
I'd leave this heart of clay
See you walk, walk away
Into the night
And through the rain
Into the half-light
And through the flame

If I could through myself
Set your spirit free
I'd lead your heart away
See you walk, walk away
Into the light
And through the day

So let it go
And so to fade away
Let it go
And so to fade away
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
I'm not sleeping

If you should ask then maybe
They'd tell you what I would say
True colors fly in blue and black
Bruised silken sky and burning flag
Killers crash, collide in bloodshot eyes

If I could, you know I would
If I could, I would
Let it go
Surrender
Desperation
Dislocation
Separation
Condemnation
Revelation
In temptation
Isolation
Desolation
Let it go
And so to fade away
Let it go
And so to fade away
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
I'm not sleeping

So let it go
Surrender
Let it go
Let it go
I'm wide awake ...